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Tom Cruise purchases fetal heart monitor

April 9th, 2006

Following up on their earlier purchase of an ultrasound machine, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have placed an order for a fetal heart monitor and other birthing supplies to prepare for the upcoming birth of their baby.

As paparazzi snapped up photos of the couple leaving L.A.’s ObGyns-R-Us store, concerned news reporters shouted questions to Tom Cruise asking if he wasn’t going too far? Mr. Cruise flashed his famous smile and cheerfully repeated a line from his interview to Parade Magazine : “Who’s to say what’s normal?” as he waved to fans.

Following the lead of the Society of Diagnostic Medical Sonography (SDMS),  who thought it fit to take time out to express concern following Mr. Cruise’s purchase of the ultrasound machine (available online as a pdf no less!), the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, ACOG, has also decided to come out with a scathing press release protesting Mr. Cruise’s actions.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has gone one step further and decided to come up with a *pre-emptive* criticism of Mr. Cruise. Said the AAP’s spokesman Mr. Gunther Johnson “We fully expect Mr. Cruise to not take his baby to a qualified pediatrician. I mean, this guy is nuts. Or will be.”

A spokesman for ObGyns-R-Us (Motto: You can go to jail, we can help ™ ) declined comment.

Entry Filed under: tom cruise, satire, celebrity gossip